June 28, 2010

Loving Long Distance

The house is too quiet. I've taken to listening to my Zune at deafening levels (does it matter that I'm about 70% deaf in one ear already?) just to fill the void. The trouble comes when I have to turn it off. Is there such a thing as auditory memories? Like muscle memory or ghost limbs, I hear noises, voices, giggles... the sounds of my life-but-not. I hear them like I'm underwater.

She lost her cell phone charger. No texts, no calls. I've talked to her the few times she's popped up on my chat list. I beat myself up when I miss her (oh, but when am I not missing them?). We talk about everything and nothing. 'How is T? Are you having fun? Are you behaving? What did you do today? How is the weather up there? I miss you guys...'

She found the charger! She called last night. Again, we talked about everything and nothing. She's a rambler. She talks to fill the empty spaces. So much my child that it makes my heart ache. Then I ask to talk to T. Oh, he sounds so grown up! Living and experiencing life by leaps and bounds, my boy. My heart breaks when he asks to see me. The subject changes and he talks of Toy Story 3 and birthday cakes. Just as quickly as he runs for the phone, he runs away and I hear the fading "Buh-bye... I love you." My heart lifts.

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